Archives for posts with tag: relationships

Single and Ready to Mingle:

 

Lesson Learned: What my past relationship taught me…

 

 

In life lessons come is so many shapes and forms. It is our job to learn from every experience that we have.  Sometimes the relationships teach us what we want and what don’t want. When you think about this question where does it put you? What did your last relationship teach you?

My last relationship taught me so much. I will not go into every single lesson but I will tell you about the ones that I have grown from it.  My last relationship taught me that I do not have to just settle for anyone or anything. You do not have to put up with anyone’s mess.  I felt like I was never happy, even if I was doing am I could to keep him happy,  I wasn’t happy at all.  In that I sacrificed my happiness; just to say I am in this relationship. Single and lonely could be worse.  Boy was I wrong, I finally realized I couldn’t do it anymore. So I left. I took me, myself and I and left.  After I fought with myself to figure how to get back to my happy, single didn’t seem so bad.

My last relationship also taught me that, if a person is acting a certain way, they are really showing you the real them. PAY ATTENTION!  If he/she cares they will show you they care. If they don’t then they will also show you.  Take everything at face value. You can’t think that “Oh he does love me” but when you are sick as a dog you are going through that shit alone.  You have to ask yourself does this person even care about my well-being.  This lesson didn’t come until someone else showed that they cared more than the other.  It was crazy when it hit me. I wasn’t even trying to compare the two but you could see it clear as day.

The last thing my last relationship taught me was you can’t fix a bitter person. They have to want to fix themselves and let you in. you can’t break down a wall that doesn’t want to come down. You can’t make someone love you and see your greatness. Take your happiness and leave because they will suck the life out of you.

 

I posed this question to my followers on my IG and my Facebook page; here are some of their comments

 

Jerri: my last relationship taught me not to be selfish…under any circumstance…

Katie:  It taught me not to be so dumb/naive when it comes to your situation. If you find yourself constantly making excuses for your significant other’s behavior… You really need to re-evaluate. I also learned being loved requires so much more than just saying it. Shoot, being married, requires a lot of work BUT it can ONLY work if BOTH parties are in it whole heartedly and committed to each other enough to want things to work out.

Neal:  Last relationship taught me to not take everything at face value. Even after you give someone an opportunity to (word for word) “come clean” and start over with “a clean slate” if they lied to you for years, they could put more lies on the “clean slate”.

 

Love remember I am always on this journey with you and I understand

 

Happy Dating…

 

Follow me on IG @emiajahdai

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Single and Ready to Mingle

When it is over….

As I sit down to pen this blog, I have the sounds of Keyshia Cole’s “I Just want it” comes through my headphones. What happens when it is officially over and you are forced to move on? How do you get over it? This question is fully loaded and can lead you down so many lanes. I promise not to fill this with a bunch of bitter stuff; I want you to learn a little bit from me and my journey from time to time.

I recently had to accept the fact that he has moved on and he didn’t move on to me. I will tell you that revelation of this hit me like a ton of brinks; in my face (literally). When you have been everything to someone for someone for so long, the pain is there. You have done so much and tried to prove yourself worthy of them, but lost your self-worth at the same time. It is time….Time to let go of that fool ass stuff and move on. I know you are probably saying this is so much easier said than done. Want to know how I know, I said it myself. I questioned why was this happening, how did happen, and more. But my accepting it is what made me move on. Here are a few steps to take on the journey

1. Acceptance, you have to accept that this was not the plan for your life and this person is not the end all be all to it. With that acceptance, wean yourself off of that individual. If you are friends with each other on Facebook get rid of them. Now I know some of my readers are petty and will let that ass stay there and watch them work. But if you can’t stand the site of them, that ish will eat from the inside out and you will not be able to live your life. Sometimes letting it just is all that you need.

2. No you can’t be friends, well just not in this moment. Don’t be so quick to say let’s stay friends. You are going to have to dig into a deep place and pull up some grown shit after the mess they put you through. Give your heart some time to mend because it will again torture your soul to see them move on so quickly.

3. Don’t do this alone; gather your friends in them remind you about the good in you. Don’t sit home and get drunk alone. Go out and have those drinks with your friends. I am sure you have probably said “when will I laugh again” You will laugh with your friends. They will take the pain away. To be honest, this may even make you fight the urge to send one of those drunken text messages to your ex. If you feel the need to cry; DO IT! Cry it is ok, cry with your friends. Tell them how messed on the inside you are right now and they will pull your awesomeness out.

4. Find something else you can enjoy. For myself I found that I get the best ideas and have a sense of freedom when I am in the park with my headphones on and walking. (That is how you all got this blog today). Throw yourself into a hobby. If there was something that you loved doing before this fuck ass relationship, get back to it.

5. Don’t close off your heart. Don’t become bitter and close of your heart to the world. You are still a good person and you are worthy enough to be loved by the right person. I do want you to get over it and not make another person pay for the mistake of your ex. Do take it slow and don’t rush it. Let it happen organically.

These were just a few steps to follow. I just want to get back to happy. I want the same happy for you. Someone somewhere needed this. Always remember someone is always on the same journey as you, but they just maybe at a different part.

Smooches my loves….

friendfoeHey my loves! I hope that everyone had an awesome weekend. I can say I have had an enjoyable weekend, I cannot complain. So during the weekend I listened to my favorite podcast in the world called “The Read” with Kid Fury and Crissle. They are frigging hilarious. They read a letter from a girl who slept with her friends man… YES THIS IS WHAT MY BLOG IS ABOUT!

We as single people get a bad rap because of other people. Never have I ever looked at my homegirls man and was like “I want that for myself” DA HELL!!! I don’t have the same type of taste as them so that is a no go. This is something that people really have to deal with. You have to be more careful and watch for the signs of these broads. In the letter the chick caught the friend there and was about to fight her. The boyfriend held the girlfriend down.

If she seems to spend more time with you man more than you do. That’s a problem. She should never be in your space when you are not around. She shouldn’t be calling him and talking him about NOTHING. If she wasn’t his friend before you met him and you are the reason why she even knows him then why oh why is she calling him.

I writing this trying seriously not trying to spaz because this would have had me trying to fight someone. I am too cute for that. Like you catch your man cheating with you friend. Can you say 0 to 60 in 2.5 seconds? I feel like that I would really do time behind some real stuff. (Sorry I got mad). Transfer of emotion just happened. You begin to process how would I seriously react if this happened in my life.

The definition of true friendship has be tainted for sometime now. People no longer live by the “G-Code”. If you are a real friend you know exactly what that code is. If you don’t here it is; your friends ex’s and current are off limits at all times. That means you cannot date them later on in life or hell even in your next life.

If you have to check your circle for this reason, and you have to ask Friend Or Foe, matter of fact HOE? Then you need to leave the friendship behind. It’s ok you will find more friends

XOXOXOXOX

Thank you for reading my little vent…

E. Ahdai

blackwomanmadHey my singles!!!! I am coming off of a long week. Clearly I have been all over the place dealing with this crazy weather in the south . That is neither here or there. Today’s blog has to deal with the whole pretty face and ugly attitude. I was chatting with my friend Jay whom you all have heard me talk about before. HE and I were discussing women’s attitudes. He says to me “Now you know you are not included in this because you don’t get upset about nothing and when you do you say it with a smile. You have to be the coolest chick I know.” Well aww shucks… I am kind of cool. However not every woman is me and I am not them. Lately he has been coming across women with nasty ass attitudes. It is a no go for him. Could it be that that they are holding on to some old feelings from the last man? Or could it be that he hurt her so bad that she is now bitter? Or does she feel like the world owes her something.

LADIES! No man wants to deal with a nasty ass attitude all the time. I am going to be real honest as woman I don’t want to hear it either. Every day is not a jacked up day. No one pissed in your corn flakes. To wake up in the morning in a blessing why not enjoy it. Please reevaluate yourself. That attitude you are wearing is not cute and your pretty face is only going to get you so far. I have had females like this in my life. I am a real mild mannered person. I love to have a good time. I am a joker. Once you kill my vibe I am done for. I remember going out to club one night, her mouth almost got us in a fight; all because a chick was looking at her. Looking in someone’s direction doesn’t classify you acting like a plum monkey fool. The girl wasn’t even looking at this nutcase. Then outside the club her boyfriend is trying to calm her and she bucks at him. Lets just say this after that is stopped rocking with her. NO one wants to deal with that, nor do that have time.

As I always I ask my Facebook followers the same question that I ask myself. “What causes some women to have nasty attitudes?”

Abdul: They are ignorant as hell thus making many aspects of life deplorable.

Bella Tiffany: Some women were raised that way. To always be in the defense- “I gotta hurt you before you hurt me.”
Trust is huge! And holding on to the past hurts in their life. I do believe some people are just plain nasty but their are underlying issues that cause all that pain.
*readers digest version of my lengthy thoughts

Ace:Sometimes its pasts hurts that haven’t been addressed or haven’t healed….

Kimberly: I would say that negative experiences make some bitter and angry. They put a defensive wall up and it’s hard to crack.

Seems as if people believe that because these women have been hurt they can act as if the worlds owes them something. I was once told that the world owes me nothing, but you off into the universe what you want to receive back. Yes I have be hurt before. You wouldn’t believe the stories I could tell you. That hurt created the strong person that I am today. After the hurt I had to get back to myself. These women are not just young; there are some old ones to. LET GO OF THE HURT. It takes more energy to be upset about nothing. Being happy takes less energy. The thing about happiness it is created with in you and no one can take it from you .

Have a great rest of your week!!!!!

XOXOXOX

E. Ahdai

Image HI MY SINGLES!!!!!!! I hope that you all had a wonderful Monday. I didn’t have the day off like some but I had a good day. Tonight’s blog comes from a conversation I was having with a co-worker today.  The conversation went something like this.

Her: E, I am not sure how I am feeling right now?”

Me: Ok, why do you say that?

Her: I had a good time with “Mr. Man” this weekend, but he did a few things I am not use to?

Me: What do mean? What did he do? ( I am thinking something sexual went really wrong or really right) #dontjudgeme

Her: I am not use to men opening doors and taking my bags for me. I guess I need to stop being so self efficient.

Me: (side eye)What the hell are you use to? and that has nothing to do with being self efficient.

Her: Not that…It has been a long time since I have had someone do things like that.

Me: Clearly you have been dealing with the wrong type of men.

Again clearly she has been dealing with the wrong type of men if she is not use to someone opening the door for her. I am sorry for me that is required. I need a mans man but he also has to have those gentleman qualities.  Chivalry is defined as<b> </b> the qualities idealized by knighthood, such as bravery, courtesy, honor, and gallantry toward women.  Does he open the door for me?(Yes) Does he grab my bags when I come out the door of the airport and carries them to the car? (Yes) If someone speaks to me in manner that I am not liking, does he stick up for me in the proper way? (Yes violence is never the answer but he protects my best interest). I can respect a man who treats me like a lady and not a child.

I feel like some women have traded the gentlemen in for this so called bad boy. You know the one who is so disrespectful. No one can raise a man if he is already grown. He just wasn’t  raised right.  That is like trying to teach an old dog new tricks. (WAY TOO MUCH WORK). Who wants to deal with rudeness  on a constant basis.

What I find funny is this. I posted a question on my Facebook page ” Ladies are some of us so  conditioned to the wrong man who does not have any gentleman qualities that we think that chivalry is dead?” Do you know not one woman answered it… HMMMMMMMMMM it makes me wonder what are women dealing with these days. Wait one minute, one of my favorites Miss Perri had this to say:

No. I think that some women are so thirsty, and on a sac chase, that they don’t require a man to show he has gentleman qualities. When you have little to no expectations, and too eager to please, but not to be pleased, you get what you get.” 

To some they may say that my standards are set high. UMMMM NO my standards are set at being treated like a woman, a lady, and a person. I think everyone deserves to be treated right…

Well that was my 2cent for the day… Join me on Wednesday… I have something for you…

Happy Dating

XOXOXOXOX

E. Ahdai

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Dating and Ready to Mingle: So you want to be my “boyfriend”?

By: E. Ahdai

This whole dating thing is getting more interesting by the moment. I always love it when men walk up to me and after the few words the question “Where is your boyfriend?” comes up. I have to laugh sometimes because they are so amazed when I say I don’t have one. In the last week or so I have had this experience twice. Are you capable of being my boyfriend?
The first time I was having dinner with my girlfriend. She and I always catch up once a month or so; so this was our time. A young man approaches; I do find him attractive so hey I am intrigued enough. I do let him know as like anyone else that I do not have a boyfriend. He offers his number and I give him mine as well. In our conversation he say that he wants to be my boyfriend. I laugh on the inside because no one has been capable of being my boyfriend in years. Again I say I am intrigued. We exchange text and phones calls, even a couple of failed attempts to spend time (all in 1 week). Pause Moment: Keep in mind I work second shift type schedule I get off at 10:00pm but I also have a writing schedule I keep as well. PLAY: So about a week later another failed attempt to spend time he says he is giving up. (WHAT!? Slight screw face) Why are you giving up? You didn’t even try. Well let’s just say you must not be capable of being my boyfriend. The boyfriend I get will understand that I work hard, when I have time I play harder. Do you have a passport? (Insider with my girlfriend.).
The second came just this Saturday when I was out celebrating my birthday with my friends. Another very handsome man approaches me. Again with the where is your boyfriend question. I laughed to his answer when I said “No I don’t have one”. He says “That is so disrespectful”. What? HUH?(confusion) I had to ask why did he said that. He then says “Because you are just so beautiful and sexy and you can have any man you want. So I want to be your boyfriend”. I laughed because the last one said that he didn’t make it a week so imagine my thoughts. (ARE THEY REALTED?). We exchanged numbers, let’s see how this works. I will keep you up to date.

confidence

 

 

Dating and Ready to Mingle: Confidence= Sexy, Arrogance= Not sexy

In this dating thing I noticed that I am super attracted to men who have an extreme amount of confidence. His approach is everything to me. It is like he draws me in with every word that has confidence dripping off of it. This confidence also seems to exude from under his skin. He commands the attention of everyone in the room and they are willing to give it. While to some this may seem like arrogance, but it is not. Arrogance has a certain amount of selfishness with it. He gives back to the community and is able to stay humble.

When it comes to arrogance I get sick just thinking that he is going to stop and talk to me. The arrogant man never sees the screwed up face, because he thinks every single woman on earth want him. I look at arrogance as if you are better than everyone else in the world, and a complete ass hole. The arrogant man does not know to put someone else before himself. He doesn’t know how help build people,  he only knows how to tear them down the best way he knows how.

Every man should have the right amount of confidence for himself if not for someone else.  Men who lack this don’t do well with me. I have a very strong personality that tends to overpower the less confident. A confident man doesn’t allow our egos to get in the way.  I can stroke his, he can stroke mine, and we are both happy. He is not a push over. Confidence also can trickle into the relationship. With two confident people there is no room for insecurities. So what she looked at him while you are sitting there. Heck let her look because at the end of the night he is still yours. That to me equals an even better ending.