Archives for posts with tag: mingle

Single and Ready to Mingle:

 

Lesson Learned: What my past relationship taught me…

 

 

In life lessons come is so many shapes and forms. It is our job to learn from every experience that we have.  Sometimes the relationships teach us what we want and what don’t want. When you think about this question where does it put you? What did your last relationship teach you?

My last relationship taught me so much. I will not go into every single lesson but I will tell you about the ones that I have grown from it.  My last relationship taught me that I do not have to just settle for anyone or anything. You do not have to put up with anyone’s mess.  I felt like I was never happy, even if I was doing am I could to keep him happy,  I wasn’t happy at all.  In that I sacrificed my happiness; just to say I am in this relationship. Single and lonely could be worse.  Boy was I wrong, I finally realized I couldn’t do it anymore. So I left. I took me, myself and I and left.  After I fought with myself to figure how to get back to my happy, single didn’t seem so bad.

My last relationship also taught me that, if a person is acting a certain way, they are really showing you the real them. PAY ATTENTION!  If he/she cares they will show you they care. If they don’t then they will also show you.  Take everything at face value. You can’t think that “Oh he does love me” but when you are sick as a dog you are going through that shit alone.  You have to ask yourself does this person even care about my well-being.  This lesson didn’t come until someone else showed that they cared more than the other.  It was crazy when it hit me. I wasn’t even trying to compare the two but you could see it clear as day.

The last thing my last relationship taught me was you can’t fix a bitter person. They have to want to fix themselves and let you in. you can’t break down a wall that doesn’t want to come down. You can’t make someone love you and see your greatness. Take your happiness and leave because they will suck the life out of you.

 

I posed this question to my followers on my IG and my Facebook page; here are some of their comments

 

Jerri: my last relationship taught me not to be selfish…under any circumstance…

Katie:  It taught me not to be so dumb/naive when it comes to your situation. If you find yourself constantly making excuses for your significant other’s behavior… You really need to re-evaluate. I also learned being loved requires so much more than just saying it. Shoot, being married, requires a lot of work BUT it can ONLY work if BOTH parties are in it whole heartedly and committed to each other enough to want things to work out.

Neal:  Last relationship taught me to not take everything at face value. Even after you give someone an opportunity to (word for word) “come clean” and start over with “a clean slate” if they lied to you for years, they could put more lies on the “clean slate”.

 

Love remember I am always on this journey with you and I understand

 

Happy Dating…

 

Follow me on IG @emiajahdai

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Single and Ready to Mingle

When it is over….

As I sit down to pen this blog, I have the sounds of Keyshia Cole’s “I Just want it” comes through my headphones. What happens when it is officially over and you are forced to move on? How do you get over it? This question is fully loaded and can lead you down so many lanes. I promise not to fill this with a bunch of bitter stuff; I want you to learn a little bit from me and my journey from time to time.

I recently had to accept the fact that he has moved on and he didn’t move on to me. I will tell you that revelation of this hit me like a ton of brinks; in my face (literally). When you have been everything to someone for someone for so long, the pain is there. You have done so much and tried to prove yourself worthy of them, but lost your self-worth at the same time. It is time….Time to let go of that fool ass stuff and move on. I know you are probably saying this is so much easier said than done. Want to know how I know, I said it myself. I questioned why was this happening, how did happen, and more. But my accepting it is what made me move on. Here are a few steps to take on the journey

1. Acceptance, you have to accept that this was not the plan for your life and this person is not the end all be all to it. With that acceptance, wean yourself off of that individual. If you are friends with each other on Facebook get rid of them. Now I know some of my readers are petty and will let that ass stay there and watch them work. But if you can’t stand the site of them, that ish will eat from the inside out and you will not be able to live your life. Sometimes letting it just is all that you need.

2. No you can’t be friends, well just not in this moment. Don’t be so quick to say let’s stay friends. You are going to have to dig into a deep place and pull up some grown shit after the mess they put you through. Give your heart some time to mend because it will again torture your soul to see them move on so quickly.

3. Don’t do this alone; gather your friends in them remind you about the good in you. Don’t sit home and get drunk alone. Go out and have those drinks with your friends. I am sure you have probably said “when will I laugh again” You will laugh with your friends. They will take the pain away. To be honest, this may even make you fight the urge to send one of those drunken text messages to your ex. If you feel the need to cry; DO IT! Cry it is ok, cry with your friends. Tell them how messed on the inside you are right now and they will pull your awesomeness out.

4. Find something else you can enjoy. For myself I found that I get the best ideas and have a sense of freedom when I am in the park with my headphones on and walking. (That is how you all got this blog today). Throw yourself into a hobby. If there was something that you loved doing before this fuck ass relationship, get back to it.

5. Don’t close off your heart. Don’t become bitter and close of your heart to the world. You are still a good person and you are worthy enough to be loved by the right person. I do want you to get over it and not make another person pay for the mistake of your ex. Do take it slow and don’t rush it. Let it happen organically.

These were just a few steps to follow. I just want to get back to happy. I want the same happy for you. Someone somewhere needed this. Always remember someone is always on the same journey as you, but they just maybe at a different part.

Smooches my loves….

friendfoeHey my loves! I hope that everyone had an awesome weekend. I can say I have had an enjoyable weekend, I cannot complain. So during the weekend I listened to my favorite podcast in the world called “The Read” with Kid Fury and Crissle. They are frigging hilarious. They read a letter from a girl who slept with her friends man… YES THIS IS WHAT MY BLOG IS ABOUT!

We as single people get a bad rap because of other people. Never have I ever looked at my homegirls man and was like “I want that for myself” DA HELL!!! I don’t have the same type of taste as them so that is a no go. This is something that people really have to deal with. You have to be more careful and watch for the signs of these broads. In the letter the chick caught the friend there and was about to fight her. The boyfriend held the girlfriend down.

If she seems to spend more time with you man more than you do. That’s a problem. She should never be in your space when you are not around. She shouldn’t be calling him and talking him about NOTHING. If she wasn’t his friend before you met him and you are the reason why she even knows him then why oh why is she calling him.

I writing this trying seriously not trying to spaz because this would have had me trying to fight someone. I am too cute for that. Like you catch your man cheating with you friend. Can you say 0 to 60 in 2.5 seconds? I feel like that I would really do time behind some real stuff. (Sorry I got mad). Transfer of emotion just happened. You begin to process how would I seriously react if this happened in my life.

The definition of true friendship has be tainted for sometime now. People no longer live by the “G-Code”. If you are a real friend you know exactly what that code is. If you don’t here it is; your friends ex’s and current are off limits at all times. That means you cannot date them later on in life or hell even in your next life.

If you have to check your circle for this reason, and you have to ask Friend Or Foe, matter of fact HOE? Then you need to leave the friendship behind. It’s ok you will find more friends

XOXOXOXOX

Thank you for reading my little vent…

E. Ahdai

Image HI MY SINGLES!!!!!!! I hope that you all had a wonderful Monday. I didn’t have the day off like some but I had a good day. Tonight’s blog comes from a conversation I was having with a co-worker today.  The conversation went something like this.

Her: E, I am not sure how I am feeling right now?”

Me: Ok, why do you say that?

Her: I had a good time with “Mr. Man” this weekend, but he did a few things I am not use to?

Me: What do mean? What did he do? ( I am thinking something sexual went really wrong or really right) #dontjudgeme

Her: I am not use to men opening doors and taking my bags for me. I guess I need to stop being so self efficient.

Me: (side eye)What the hell are you use to? and that has nothing to do with being self efficient.

Her: Not that…It has been a long time since I have had someone do things like that.

Me: Clearly you have been dealing with the wrong type of men.

Again clearly she has been dealing with the wrong type of men if she is not use to someone opening the door for her. I am sorry for me that is required. I need a mans man but he also has to have those gentleman qualities.  Chivalry is defined as<b> </b> the qualities idealized by knighthood, such as bravery, courtesy, honor, and gallantry toward women.  Does he open the door for me?(Yes) Does he grab my bags when I come out the door of the airport and carries them to the car? (Yes) If someone speaks to me in manner that I am not liking, does he stick up for me in the proper way? (Yes violence is never the answer but he protects my best interest). I can respect a man who treats me like a lady and not a child.

I feel like some women have traded the gentlemen in for this so called bad boy. You know the one who is so disrespectful. No one can raise a man if he is already grown. He just wasn’t  raised right.  That is like trying to teach an old dog new tricks. (WAY TOO MUCH WORK). Who wants to deal with rudeness  on a constant basis.

What I find funny is this. I posted a question on my Facebook page ” Ladies are some of us so  conditioned to the wrong man who does not have any gentleman qualities that we think that chivalry is dead?” Do you know not one woman answered it… HMMMMMMMMMM it makes me wonder what are women dealing with these days. Wait one minute, one of my favorites Miss Perri had this to say:

No. I think that some women are so thirsty, and on a sac chase, that they don’t require a man to show he has gentleman qualities. When you have little to no expectations, and too eager to please, but not to be pleased, you get what you get.” 

To some they may say that my standards are set high. UMMMM NO my standards are set at being treated like a woman, a lady, and a person. I think everyone deserves to be treated right…

Well that was my 2cent for the day… Join me on Wednesday… I have something for you…

Happy Dating

XOXOXOXOX

E. Ahdai

a href=”http://urbanimagemagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/singlereadytomingle.jpg”&gt;singlereadytomingleHello My Singles…. Oh how I have missed you. How was your weekend? Mine was…

Mine was less than spectacular, it is ok though. I got some work done, saw an old friend, and finished that book I was reading. The reason for this blog is because my ex crossed my mind. I know you are asking yourself “Why isn’t he your ex?” Yes he is but I realized I missed him a little bit. I have heard that opposites attract but never really paid it any attention until I met him. Yes him my complete opposite. I am the eccentric type. The one who changes their hair color often and spends days being creative. All while he was the business man and lover of numbers. Can you see where we were so different but for some reason our ambitions were right in line with one another.

Our break up was hard only because the hurt that came behind all of it. I am not going to go into the detail of it because that has been forgiven. So he crossed my mind. I wanted to call him and just talk. Not talk about us but just catch up on life. I miss him. I miss the support. I miss the laughter. I miss our friendship. Just like any relationship we had problems but those problems seemed so heavy at the time. What would I say? Where would the words come from? I know you are thinking why would you want to call him and talk to him. Just because we had a bad break up didn’t mean that I stopped loving right then and there. It didn’t mean that I didn’t still care. I have always cared about his well being. It has been month since we last spoke. The reason for that is because we had one of our heated arguments. A simple text turned into the worst conversation ever, so you see why I am not sure if I want to call or not.

So my weekend was just that… a weekend and dealing with the case of my ex…

 

****Sometimes this blog is my therapy******

 

what-women-want-300x221When it comes to the whole relationship thing, some of us know exactly what we want; while others still seem to be fishing around. As I sat down and I think about this topic. I ask myself what is is that i really want out of a relationship. I want to be friends first. Be that person who he may need to depend on from time to time. BE the one that he can share his secrets, his truths, his lies, his dreams; his failures, I want to know everything that shapes his heart. I want to be able to feel like we can grow old together. I don’t want they fly by night feeling, but more like the forever feeling. I want him to be supportive of what I am doing. I want him to be just as motivated if not more. I want him to be able to be himself with me. I am talking about the real him. I want his laugh to make me laugh and pull something out of me that I have been missing in my day. I don’t think it is to ask for some one just to plain and simply make me smile more than I need to. I want my friends to get sick of the goofy look on my face when he enters into the room. I want to fall in love with over and over again.. Die and do it all over again in my next life.

So as always I ask my Facebook friends “What do they really want?” Here is what they had to say

Nigary Rma Thompson: first and foremost a gentlemen, one who is polite, respectful, considerate and attentive to a woman’s needs. They open the door, pull her chair, lend their coat, offer to escort her home. One who is not threatened by women who speak their mind, have different opinions, show passion or the causes they believe in or perhaps, earn more money than them. One who sees a women as a gift to society because they are the ones who have the power to change things for the better. One who knows she already knows she’s attractive and has heard it a million of times. One who knows that to keep a woman around, they have to stimulate all of her senses – physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual. And one who can satisfy a woman’s needs in every aspect of life and beyond.. And most importantly will love me and cherish me and my heart as if it was his own.

Tiff’s EditingCafe: Supportive, encouragement, dedication, motivated, respect, love for me AND my children, leadership…I know every person won’t fill this list, but I would like him to have more of them than not…definitely, a man who feels that I am the one woman he can’t live without.

Theirgirlaneesa Akatulip: To be happy, and to leave a legacy of joy and contentment to my children.

Seems as if these ladies know what they want. Now do you?!?!?

Happy Dating XOXOXOX

E. Ahdai

seconddateSingle and Ready to Mingle: The Second date (weekend)

I know you are saying to yourself “She didn’t even tell us about the first date and here she is saying they have gone on the second”. Stop right there. I have been busy so will bring you up to speed. He first date was the weekend after my birthday which is near the end of April. Since he was not going to be in town for my birthday he said hey I will take you out the next week. I agreed to it. I had an awesome time. We went to an amusement park. I am such the daredevil so I like riding rides. However it did rain; even with the rain I still had fun. So why not give a second date?
The second date was a weekend out of town. I know, I know, that is quick to go out of town. Well he lives in another city in another state so I had no choice but to go out of town. Once again a great time, we had drinks on Friday night. We both had to be up early on Saturday morning, he had to work and I had to meet my deadline for the magazine. I will say this he lets me get my work done because any other time someone would have made a comment about me traveling with my laptop. Not him, he understood. Saturday night, we traveled to a neighboring city where he took me shopping; tapping into my addiction.
I know I don’t speak of second dates often because most men fail in the first encounter. I am not going to tell what to do on date; you should already know what to do to seal the deal for the next date. If we told you then we will go farther than really intended and be made with ourselves. I say that because you will do everything possibly right putting a fake and phony front. I for one do not appreciate that so be you and if I don’t like the real you I for damn sure not going to like the fake you.
I will say I really did enjoy my weekend… Must do it again sometime.