Single and Ready to Mingle

Single and Ready to Mingle:

 

Lesson Learned: What my past relationship taught me…

 

 

In life lessons come is so many shapes and forms. It is our job to learn from every experience that we have.  Sometimes the relationships teach us what we want and what don’t want. When you think about this question where does it put you? What did your last relationship teach you?

My last relationship taught me so much. I will not go into every single lesson but I will tell you about the ones that I have grown from it.  My last relationship taught me that I do not have to just settle for anyone or anything. You do not have to put up with anyone’s mess.  I felt like I was never happy, even if I was doing am I could to keep him happy,  I wasn’t happy at all.  In that I sacrificed my happiness; just to say I am in this relationship. Single and lonely could be worse.  Boy was I wrong, I finally realized I couldn’t do it anymore. So I left. I took me, myself and I and left.  After I fought with myself to figure how to get back to my happy, single didn’t seem so bad.

My last relationship also taught me that, if a person is acting a certain way, they are really showing you the real them. PAY ATTENTION!  If he/she cares they will show you they care. If they don’t then they will also show you.  Take everything at face value. You can’t think that “Oh he does love me” but when you are sick as a dog you are going through that shit alone.  You have to ask yourself does this person even care about my well-being.  This lesson didn’t come until someone else showed that they cared more than the other.  It was crazy when it hit me. I wasn’t even trying to compare the two but you could see it clear as day.

The last thing my last relationship taught me was you can’t fix a bitter person. They have to want to fix themselves and let you in. you can’t break down a wall that doesn’t want to come down. You can’t make someone love you and see your greatness. Take your happiness and leave because they will suck the life out of you.

 

I posed this question to my followers on my IG and my Facebook page; here are some of their comments

 

Jerri: my last relationship taught me not to be selfish…under any circumstance…

Katie:  It taught me not to be so dumb/naive when it comes to your situation. If you find yourself constantly making excuses for your significant other’s behavior… You really need to re-evaluate. I also learned being loved requires so much more than just saying it. Shoot, being married, requires a lot of work BUT it can ONLY work if BOTH parties are in it whole heartedly and committed to each other enough to want things to work out.

Neal:  Last relationship taught me to not take everything at face value. Even after you give someone an opportunity to (word for word) “come clean” and start over with “a clean slate” if they lied to you for years, they could put more lies on the “clean slate”.

 

Love remember I am always on this journey with you and I understand

 

Happy Dating…

 

Follow me on IG @emiajahdai

When it is over…

Single and Ready to Mingle

When it is over….

As I sit down to pen this blog, I have the sounds of Keyshia Cole’s “I Just want it” comes through my headphones. What happens when it is officially over and you are forced to move on? How do you get over it? This question is fully loaded and can lead you down so many lanes. I promise not to fill this with a bunch of bitter stuff; I want you to learn a little bit from me and my journey from time to time.

I recently had to accept the fact that he has moved on and he didn’t move on to me. I will tell you that revelation of this hit me like a ton of brinks; in my face (literally). When you have been everything to someone for someone for so long, the pain is there. You have done so much and tried to prove yourself worthy of them, but lost your self-worth at the same time. It is time….Time to let go of that fool ass stuff and move on. I know you are probably saying this is so much easier said than done. Want to know how I know, I said it myself. I questioned why was this happening, how did happen, and more. But my accepting it is what made me move on. Here are a few steps to take on the journey

1. Acceptance, you have to accept that this was not the plan for your life and this person is not the end all be all to it. With that acceptance, wean yourself off of that individual. If you are friends with each other on Facebook get rid of them. Now I know some of my readers are petty and will let that ass stay there and watch them work. But if you can’t stand the site of them, that ish will eat from the inside out and you will not be able to live your life. Sometimes letting it just is all that you need.

2. No you can’t be friends, well just not in this moment. Don’t be so quick to say let’s stay friends. You are going to have to dig into a deep place and pull up some grown shit after the mess they put you through. Give your heart some time to mend because it will again torture your soul to see them move on so quickly.

3. Don’t do this alone; gather your friends in them remind you about the good in you. Don’t sit home and get drunk alone. Go out and have those drinks with your friends. I am sure you have probably said “when will I laugh again” You will laugh with your friends. They will take the pain away. To be honest, this may even make you fight the urge to send one of those drunken text messages to your ex. If you feel the need to cry; DO IT! Cry it is ok, cry with your friends. Tell them how messed on the inside you are right now and they will pull your awesomeness out.

4. Find something else you can enjoy. For myself I found that I get the best ideas and have a sense of freedom when I am in the park with my headphones on and walking. (That is how you all got this blog today). Throw yourself into a hobby. If there was something that you loved doing before this fuck ass relationship, get back to it.

5. Don’t close off your heart. Don’t become bitter and close of your heart to the world. You are still a good person and you are worthy enough to be loved by the right person. I do want you to get over it and not make another person pay for the mistake of your ex. Do take it slow and don’t rush it. Let it happen organically.

These were just a few steps to follow. I just want to get back to happy. I want the same happy for you. Someone somewhere needed this. Always remember someone is always on the same journey as you, but they just maybe at a different part.

Smooches my loves….

Single and Ready to Mingle: Dating is HARD!

Single and Ready To Mingle: Dating is HARD!

I was hanging out on my Facebook Page and I came across this question “Do you find dating hard? Are you to set in your ways in what you want and don’t want from a mate?” via my FBF (Facebook friend) Gabrielle Bright.. Oh yes that was a shout out boo!. So I had to ask myself did I actually find dating hard. NO! I find it to interesting. There is always someone wanting to date or get to know me. It all good, until someone decides to change my mind about them. What I mean by that is this; they send their representatives to meet me. Then I get to know the real them and see why I don’t really want to know anything else about them. I always listen to music when I write my blogs and the song that came on is Nicki Minaj “Looking ass N*****” Ok I am sorry I laughed all the way through song because I know what those lame ass dudes are like.

Everyone woman has come across some type of lame ass dude in their life. You know the guy, the one who doesn’t have shit but wants to floss like he is the shit. You sir can have a thousand seats to left in the corner

Singrid: I can never seem to meet men to date, lol. Either they just want to hit or they’re not interested in me at all. It’s extremely rare for me to meet men that want to go out and have a good time or be romantic. Even if they take you out to dinner/movies, it’s like they expect sex. So I just don’t even bother anymore.

Singrid made a good point. Why does sex have to come into the picture so soon? What ever to happen to dating to get to know me and the inside of my thighs. I do have a brain and it is pretty damn interesting. I will always be the first to say sex clouds the mind and it doesn’t get too far after the line has crossed..

Dating is a little hard but it can get better, just keep trying

Happy Dating

XOXOXO

E. Ahdai

Single and Ready To Mingle: The case of the EX

a href=”http://urbanimagemagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/singlereadytomingle.jpg”>Hello My Singles…. Oh how I have missed you. How was your weekend? Mine was…

Mine was less than spectacular, it is ok though. I got some work done, saw an old friend, and finished that book I was reading. The reason for this blog is because my ex crossed my mind. I know you are asking yourself “Why isn’t he your ex?” Yes he is but I realized I missed him a little bit. I have heard that opposites attract but never really paid it any attention until I met him. Yes him my complete opposite. I am the eccentric type. The one who changes their hair color often and spends days being creative. All while he was the business man and lover of numbers. Can you see where we were so different but for some reason our ambitions were right in line with one another.

Our break up was hard only because the hurt that came behind all of it. I am not going to go into the detail of it because that has been forgiven. So he crossed my mind. I wanted to call him and just talk. Not talk about us but just catch up on life. I miss him. I miss the support. I miss the laughter. I miss our friendship. Just like any relationship we had problems but those problems seemed so heavy at the time. What would I say? Where would the words come from? I know you are thinking why would you want to call him and talk to him. Just because we had a bad break up didn’t mean that I stopped loving right then and there. It didn’t mean that I didn’t still care. I have always cared about his well being. It has been month since we last spoke. The reason for that is because we had one of our heated arguments. A simple text turned into the worst conversation ever, so you see why I am not sure if I want to call or not.

So my weekend was just that… a weekend and dealing with the case of my ex…

 

****Sometimes this blog is my therapy******

 

Single and Ready to Mingle: Faithful women vs HOES

This picture sparked a conversation on my facebook page. It got me to me thinking: Why are there so many good and faithful women still single but these #popcorn hoes are in and out relationships with these men and they are being “wifed” up. We are looking around like what the hell. Here is the conversation that we had

Perri Forrest: LMAO!!!

 

Emiaj AhDai: and they love dem hoes

Perri Forrest:Like a fat kid love cupcakes, they do!

 

Valorie Rice :Roflmao @ Emiaj!!!!

 

Perri Forrest: Hey Emiaj…what they don’t get is that “faithful” girl can give ’em a whole lotta hoe in the bedroom when they right! And still have her walls in tact because they ain’t beat out. Ha!

 

Valorie Rice:^^^^^ I agree with Perri damn straight!!!!

 

Emiaj AhDai:^5 Say that “S”ugar “H”oney “I”ce “T”ea

 

Valorie Rice: What I hate is when you try to talk to them about what you like and they say huh???? Okay they know what you talking about but would rather go out and let someone else do it for them. SMDH

 

Valorie Rice:I tried it for several years to live a vanilla relationship. I got sick physically from not being in the lifestyle those years. Never again will I try to be someone I’m not. If they can’t take me as I am kinky and all then too bad for them they have no idea what I can do!!!! I’m a beast!!! (^^^)

 

Perri Forrest: Valorie…that’s some kind of brain malfunction, I think. It’s a level of comprehension they don’t get. It’s like Sex has its own language, and they don’t want to take the time to learn it. Shortcut = Short term in my book. Shit, I’m still waiting for a FULL body experience because. I think that’ll be the day I fall in love for the first time. Lol! When it manifests physically, it’s time to GO! At lightening speed!

 

Emiaj AhDai:LOL…. they think faithful women won’t give them what they need and want… I am the perfect lady in the street but then when the lights go off I can be whomever you want me to be

 

Perri Forrest: …and sometimes a lot more than they bargained for! #Bloop!

Seriously on some real stuff this is what we see daily and taints the image of good and faithful relationships for people who really know how to treat people well. Perri said it best we are ladies and very faithful but in the bedroom we can also be the hoe that he needs us to be. I think a lot of men don’t realize this. For you the man we are in love with we can be anything you want us to be. We are not out here looking for everything in every other man and giving it up at the drop of a hat or even a dollar. At the end of the day you can still respect us and we will still hold you done. You all are out here turning hoes into house wives and they sleeping with the neighbor. Then we get that dumb ass question “Why are you still single?” Excuse me do you not see what you are with right now. “These hoes be acting up”

 

HAPPY DATING XOXOXOXOXO

 

E. Ahdai

 

 

SIngle and Ready to mingle: What do we really want?

When it comes to the whole relationship thing, some of us know exactly what we want; while others still seem to be fishing around. As I sat down and I think about this topic. I ask myself what is is that i really want out of a relationship. I want to be friends first. Be that person who he may need to depend on from time to time. BE the one that he can share his secrets, his truths, his lies, his dreams; his failures, I want to know everything that shapes his heart. I want to be able to feel like we can grow old together. I don’t want they fly by night feeling, but more like the forever feeling. I want him to be supportive of what I am doing. I want him to be just as motivated if not more. I want him to be able to be himself with me. I am talking about the real him. I want his laugh to make me laugh and pull something out of me that I have been missing in my day. I don’t think it is to ask for some one just to plain and simply make me smile more than I need to. I want my friends to get sick of the goofy look on my face when he enters into the room. I want to fall in love with over and over again.. Die and do it all over again in my next life.

So as always I ask my Facebook friends “What do they really want?” Here is what they had to say

Nigary Rma Thompson: first and foremost a gentlemen, one who is polite, respectful, considerate and attentive to a woman’s needs. They open the door, pull her chair, lend their coat, offer to escort her home. One who is not threatened by women who speak their mind, have different opinions, show passion or the causes they believe in or perhaps, earn more money than them. One who sees a women as a gift to society because they are the ones who have the power to change things for the better. One who knows she already knows she’s attractive and has heard it a million of times. One who knows that to keep a woman around, they have to stimulate all of her senses – physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual. And one who can satisfy a woman’s needs in every aspect of life and beyond.. And most importantly will love me and cherish me and my heart as if it was his own.

Tiff’s EditingCafe: Supportive, encouragement, dedication, motivated, respect, love for me AND my children, leadership…I know every person won’t fill this list, but I would like him to have more of them than not…definitely, a man who feels that I am the one woman he can’t live without.

Theirgirlaneesa Akatulip: To be happy, and to leave a legacy of joy and contentment to my children.

Seems as if these ladies know what they want. Now do you?!?!?

Happy Dating XOXOXOX

E. Ahdai

Dating and Ready to Mingle: When should a woman approach a man?

*My friend Nikki always has some of the best questions, and I love her for them.*

On this dating adventure I am taking, she thought I should approach men on my own. **Screws up my face** Are you really serious? You really want me to approach a man? Yeah that might not happen. I am slightly old-fashioned. I want a man to approach me, introduce himself, offer his number and etc. Me walking up to a man and introducing myself can go so many ways. I will be honest with you I have an EGO the size of the world and if it is bruised it will become the size of a mustard seed.

I am approachable. I don’t walk around with a screwed up face with a negative aura.  My friend Tam says “Your aura is too bright sometimes.” I am a true southern woman. I speak to people who look at me in my eyes. I like to tell people words tend to drip with honey.

My sister even chimed in on this topic saying I should approach a man. She also said men have a hard enough time approaching us anyway. Something about them being rejected. I said to myself “Shouldn’t they be use to it.”  You also have to go back to my last blog, I like confident men. Rejection means nothing to man who is confident (right). Ok so this is what I am going to do. I am going to challenge myself to introduce myself to a man that I am attracted to. I am going to ask him for his number and ask him out on a date. By the way if I ask a man out I will pay for it, it is only right.