Archives for posts with tag: love

Single and Ready to Mingle:

 

Lesson Learned: What my past relationship taught me…

 

 

In life lessons come is so many shapes and forms. It is our job to learn from every experience that we have.  Sometimes the relationships teach us what we want and what don’t want. When you think about this question where does it put you? What did your last relationship teach you?

My last relationship taught me so much. I will not go into every single lesson but I will tell you about the ones that I have grown from it.  My last relationship taught me that I do not have to just settle for anyone or anything. You do not have to put up with anyone’s mess.  I felt like I was never happy, even if I was doing am I could to keep him happy,  I wasn’t happy at all.  In that I sacrificed my happiness; just to say I am in this relationship. Single and lonely could be worse.  Boy was I wrong, I finally realized I couldn’t do it anymore. So I left. I took me, myself and I and left.  After I fought with myself to figure how to get back to my happy, single didn’t seem so bad.

My last relationship also taught me that, if a person is acting a certain way, they are really showing you the real them. PAY ATTENTION!  If he/she cares they will show you they care. If they don’t then they will also show you.  Take everything at face value. You can’t think that “Oh he does love me” but when you are sick as a dog you are going through that shit alone.  You have to ask yourself does this person even care about my well-being.  This lesson didn’t come until someone else showed that they cared more than the other.  It was crazy when it hit me. I wasn’t even trying to compare the two but you could see it clear as day.

The last thing my last relationship taught me was you can’t fix a bitter person. They have to want to fix themselves and let you in. you can’t break down a wall that doesn’t want to come down. You can’t make someone love you and see your greatness. Take your happiness and leave because they will suck the life out of you.

 

I posed this question to my followers on my IG and my Facebook page; here are some of their comments

 

Jerri: my last relationship taught me not to be selfish…under any circumstance…

Katie:  It taught me not to be so dumb/naive when it comes to your situation. If you find yourself constantly making excuses for your significant other’s behavior… You really need to re-evaluate. I also learned being loved requires so much more than just saying it. Shoot, being married, requires a lot of work BUT it can ONLY work if BOTH parties are in it whole heartedly and committed to each other enough to want things to work out.

Neal:  Last relationship taught me to not take everything at face value. Even after you give someone an opportunity to (word for word) “come clean” and start over with “a clean slate” if they lied to you for years, they could put more lies on the “clean slate”.

 

Love remember I am always on this journey with you and I understand

 

Happy Dating…

 

Follow me on IG @emiajahdai

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Single and Ready to Mingle

When it is over….

As I sit down to pen this blog, I have the sounds of Keyshia Cole’s “I Just want it” comes through my headphones. What happens when it is officially over and you are forced to move on? How do you get over it? This question is fully loaded and can lead you down so many lanes. I promise not to fill this with a bunch of bitter stuff; I want you to learn a little bit from me and my journey from time to time.

I recently had to accept the fact that he has moved on and he didn’t move on to me. I will tell you that revelation of this hit me like a ton of brinks; in my face (literally). When you have been everything to someone for someone for so long, the pain is there. You have done so much and tried to prove yourself worthy of them, but lost your self-worth at the same time. It is time….Time to let go of that fool ass stuff and move on. I know you are probably saying this is so much easier said than done. Want to know how I know, I said it myself. I questioned why was this happening, how did happen, and more. But my accepting it is what made me move on. Here are a few steps to take on the journey

1. Acceptance, you have to accept that this was not the plan for your life and this person is not the end all be all to it. With that acceptance, wean yourself off of that individual. If you are friends with each other on Facebook get rid of them. Now I know some of my readers are petty and will let that ass stay there and watch them work. But if you can’t stand the site of them, that ish will eat from the inside out and you will not be able to live your life. Sometimes letting it just is all that you need.

2. No you can’t be friends, well just not in this moment. Don’t be so quick to say let’s stay friends. You are going to have to dig into a deep place and pull up some grown shit after the mess they put you through. Give your heart some time to mend because it will again torture your soul to see them move on so quickly.

3. Don’t do this alone; gather your friends in them remind you about the good in you. Don’t sit home and get drunk alone. Go out and have those drinks with your friends. I am sure you have probably said “when will I laugh again” You will laugh with your friends. They will take the pain away. To be honest, this may even make you fight the urge to send one of those drunken text messages to your ex. If you feel the need to cry; DO IT! Cry it is ok, cry with your friends. Tell them how messed on the inside you are right now and they will pull your awesomeness out.

4. Find something else you can enjoy. For myself I found that I get the best ideas and have a sense of freedom when I am in the park with my headphones on and walking. (That is how you all got this blog today). Throw yourself into a hobby. If there was something that you loved doing before this fuck ass relationship, get back to it.

5. Don’t close off your heart. Don’t become bitter and close of your heart to the world. You are still a good person and you are worthy enough to be loved by the right person. I do want you to get over it and not make another person pay for the mistake of your ex. Do take it slow and don’t rush it. Let it happen organically.

These were just a few steps to follow. I just want to get back to happy. I want the same happy for you. Someone somewhere needed this. Always remember someone is always on the same journey as you, but they just maybe at a different part.

Smooches my loves….

n-BOOTY-CALL-large570Single and Ready to Mingle: Booty Call to Boo

Hey my Single Loves!!!! How are you doing? I hope that you all had a great weekend. I had a busy weekend but hey that is the life of me; busy, busy, busy. I know eactly why now I can’t date the right way. I am too damn busy. I have a kid to care for; who is a social butterfly and has to be at every single event that she is invited to. I work a full time job and have been working overtime for the last month. On top of that I have like four projects that I am currently over outside of my job. Imagine what my life is like. I do have some work and life balance. One is taking a position with my company to work from home. Yes I work from home, so now I am here all day but the thing is this, no one else can be here while I am working so that sucks. I am glued to this spot for 8-10 hours a day. (My butt hurts). I am such the social person that the silence is crazy for me. I am use to people calling my name all the time and asking me questions. I guess that is what 14 years with the company will do to you. This is not what this blog is about.. HAHAHAHA

I took myself to see “About Last Night” yes I stole some “me time” in the middle of a busy weekend. It was about 10:00pm and I was the only person in the theater. Dating me, myself and I is something that my busy life has brought me to. I am good company to myself (LOL). This date movie was hilarious but I am sure some people saw themselves throughout the whole movie. Yes you and you saw yourself. I say that because how many onetime sex sessions were really supposed to be just that and they turned into dating, then to long term relationships. I can even admit that I have done this myself. (Raises had and looks around) That leads to the question can a “booty call” become your mate. Here is what my Facebook friends had to say.

Red Man: I wouldn’t trust it. Too many have tried and failed miserably.

Renata Pennix: Yep. .it turned out to be a 9 year relationship..learned a lot from it

Wax Lauren: It shouldn’t, but some I believe start that way. Desperate people look for love wherever they can find it.

Renata Pennix : I wouldn’t necessarily say desperate.. ppl change a booty call to a boo thang bc one party or both becomes comfortable and then the emotional part start and someone wants to be claimed bc at this time instead of spending the “booty” hours together u guys are spending “time” together which changes everything..in order for it to go that far someone let it…if ur not feeling the “booty” as “boo” u need to stop all sexual encounters bc it will get ugly

Wax Lauren: as I was hitting the send button..your exact comment popped in my brain. You are exactly correct.

Here is my answer; yes I think it is very possible and Renata made some good points. Once you start spending time outside of that bedroom it can take a turn. You then get to know the real person, not just the sexual person. You start having real conversations about life. Hey it sounds like I have been there. (and have) It wasn’t a bad relationship and we are even better friends now. The sex has stopped but we are still friends. The big picture is this. It is what you make it. Feels do sometimes get involved and what will you do when that happens.

Happy Dating

XOXOXOXo

E. Ahdai

Single and Ready To Mingle: Dating is HARD!

I was hanging out on my Facebook Page and I came across this question “Do you find dating hard? Are you to set in your ways in what you want and don’t want from a mate?” via my FBF (Facebook friend) Gabrielle Bright.. Oh yes that was a shout out boo!. So I had to ask myself did I actually find dating hard. NO! I find it to interesting. There is always someone wanting to date or get to know me. It all good, until someone decides to change my mind about them. What I mean by that is this; they send their representatives to meet me. Then I get to know the real them and see why I don’t really want to know anything else about them. I always listen to music when I write my blogs and the song that came on is Nicki Minaj “Looking ass N*****” Ok I am sorry I laughed all the way through song because I know what those lame ass dudes are like.

Everyone woman has come across some type of lame ass dude in their life. You know the guy, the one who doesn’t have shit but wants to floss like he is the shit. You sir can have a thousand seats to left in the corner

Singrid: I can never seem to meet men to date, lol. Either they just want to hit or they’re not interested in me at all. It’s extremely rare for me to meet men that want to go out and have a good time or be romantic. Even if they take you out to dinner/movies, it’s like they expect sex. So I just don’t even bother anymore.

Singrid made a good point. Why does sex have to come into the picture so soon? What ever to happen to dating to get to know me and the inside of my thighs. I do have a brain and it is pretty damn interesting. I will always be the first to say sex clouds the mind and it doesn’t get too far after the line has crossed..

Dating is a little hard but it can get better, just keep trying

Happy Dating

XOXOXO

E. Ahdai

friendfoeHey my loves! I hope that everyone had an awesome weekend. I can say I have had an enjoyable weekend, I cannot complain. So during the weekend I listened to my favorite podcast in the world called “The Read” with Kid Fury and Crissle. They are frigging hilarious. They read a letter from a girl who slept with her friends man… YES THIS IS WHAT MY BLOG IS ABOUT!

We as single people get a bad rap because of other people. Never have I ever looked at my homegirls man and was like “I want that for myself” DA HELL!!! I don’t have the same type of taste as them so that is a no go. This is something that people really have to deal with. You have to be more careful and watch for the signs of these broads. In the letter the chick caught the friend there and was about to fight her. The boyfriend held the girlfriend down.

If she seems to spend more time with you man more than you do. That’s a problem. She should never be in your space when you are not around. She shouldn’t be calling him and talking him about NOTHING. If she wasn’t his friend before you met him and you are the reason why she even knows him then why oh why is she calling him.

I writing this trying seriously not trying to spaz because this would have had me trying to fight someone. I am too cute for that. Like you catch your man cheating with you friend. Can you say 0 to 60 in 2.5 seconds? I feel like that I would really do time behind some real stuff. (Sorry I got mad). Transfer of emotion just happened. You begin to process how would I seriously react if this happened in my life.

The definition of true friendship has be tainted for sometime now. People no longer live by the “G-Code”. If you are a real friend you know exactly what that code is. If you don’t here it is; your friends ex’s and current are off limits at all times. That means you cannot date them later on in life or hell even in your next life.

If you have to check your circle for this reason, and you have to ask Friend Or Foe, matter of fact HOE? Then you need to leave the friendship behind. It’s ok you will find more friends

XOXOXOXOX

Thank you for reading my little vent…

E. Ahdai

blackwomanmadHey my singles!!!! I am coming off of a long week. Clearly I have been all over the place dealing with this crazy weather in the south . That is neither here or there. Today’s blog has to deal with the whole pretty face and ugly attitude. I was chatting with my friend Jay whom you all have heard me talk about before. HE and I were discussing women’s attitudes. He says to me “Now you know you are not included in this because you don’t get upset about nothing and when you do you say it with a smile. You have to be the coolest chick I know.” Well aww shucks… I am kind of cool. However not every woman is me and I am not them. Lately he has been coming across women with nasty ass attitudes. It is a no go for him. Could it be that that they are holding on to some old feelings from the last man? Or could it be that he hurt her so bad that she is now bitter? Or does she feel like the world owes her something.

LADIES! No man wants to deal with a nasty ass attitude all the time. I am going to be real honest as woman I don’t want to hear it either. Every day is not a jacked up day. No one pissed in your corn flakes. To wake up in the morning in a blessing why not enjoy it. Please reevaluate yourself. That attitude you are wearing is not cute and your pretty face is only going to get you so far. I have had females like this in my life. I am a real mild mannered person. I love to have a good time. I am a joker. Once you kill my vibe I am done for. I remember going out to club one night, her mouth almost got us in a fight; all because a chick was looking at her. Looking in someone’s direction doesn’t classify you acting like a plum monkey fool. The girl wasn’t even looking at this nutcase. Then outside the club her boyfriend is trying to calm her and she bucks at him. Lets just say this after that is stopped rocking with her. NO one wants to deal with that, nor do that have time.

As I always I ask my Facebook followers the same question that I ask myself. “What causes some women to have nasty attitudes?”

Abdul: They are ignorant as hell thus making many aspects of life deplorable.

Bella Tiffany: Some women were raised that way. To always be in the defense- “I gotta hurt you before you hurt me.”
Trust is huge! And holding on to the past hurts in their life. I do believe some people are just plain nasty but their are underlying issues that cause all that pain.
*readers digest version of my lengthy thoughts

Ace:Sometimes its pasts hurts that haven’t been addressed or haven’t healed….

Kimberly: I would say that negative experiences make some bitter and angry. They put a defensive wall up and it’s hard to crack.

Seems as if people believe that because these women have been hurt they can act as if the worlds owes them something. I was once told that the world owes me nothing, but you off into the universe what you want to receive back. Yes I have be hurt before. You wouldn’t believe the stories I could tell you. That hurt created the strong person that I am today. After the hurt I had to get back to myself. These women are not just young; there are some old ones to. LET GO OF THE HURT. It takes more energy to be upset about nothing. Being happy takes less energy. The thing about happiness it is created with in you and no one can take it from you .

Have a great rest of your week!!!!!

XOXOXOX

E. Ahdai

mary janeHello my Singles! I hope that you are having a super awesome day. This topic my rub someone the wrong way. ***Please do not be offended this is just a matter of opinion. *** So last night I was watching “Being Mary Jane” and wondered what are my other singles thinking about this show. Now Mary Jane is a successful single woman, but having issues finding the right man.

Every time I turn on this show I get a little more disturbed. Every week she is fighting herself over this married man. Stop.. Hold Up.. Flag on the play.. BIG RED FLAG. Heffa! He is married what s it there to fight yourself about. Last weeks episode he proposed. I was like how in the hell do you really ask someone to marry you and you are still clearly sleeping with your wife. Oh you all didn’t see that at the end of last weeks episode. (I DID). Then what gets me is all the affirmations and quotes she has on the sticky notes. Why is she not following them? They are some really good ones at that. See I believe this is why I only watched one episode of Scandal. (So not interested).

I want to date the right way. Meet a single man. Get to know single man. Date single man and see if it has potential to be more. No where in there does it say Meet a man. Find out that he is married. Keep dating married man. (ARE YOU SERIOUS). Me personally I am not fit to be the other woman. I am not fit to be confined to the four walls of my home or to be kept a secret.

Then I keep seeing status updates on Facebook like this : “Being Mary Jane….think most of us girls can relate!”

Ummm Excuse me I cannot relate to being in love with a married man. I can’t even relate to having sex with a married man. So how are other women relating to this. Is dating so bad these days that we have to stoop to a level of deceit to get what we want. I was always told “If he will cheat to be with you, he will cheat on you. You will lose him the same way you got him.”

I asked others their opinions of the show. Some have watched while others have not.

Dawn Blanchard-Deep Rivers: I personally have not watched it….the commercials were enough to spoil my thoughts….they had a commercial where she made the comment “Gay is the New Black”, and I ended up writing about it…after that nope can’t watch it….and tired of it being okay for a woman to cheat in a tv show and the audience or most love it….I also don’t watch Scandal because of this

Avtomat Kalashnikov: Haven’t seen the show but heard rave reviews. Didn’t know what it was about but Dawn Blanchard-Deep Rivers synopsis killed it for me. I, too, have no desire to watch Scandal.

Dwight Sloan:I love it. It’s entertaining and heck it shows something that although it may not be the greatest teaching of morals, it shows some reality. And hell it’s funny to me.

Please keep in mind this is my opinion. If this is our favorite show enjoy it.

Happy Dating to all

XOXOXOXOXO

E. Ahdai