Archives for posts with tag: friendship

Single and Ready to Mingle

When it is over….

As I sit down to pen this blog, I have the sounds of Keyshia Cole’s “I Just want it” comes through my headphones. What happens when it is officially over and you are forced to move on? How do you get over it? This question is fully loaded and can lead you down so many lanes. I promise not to fill this with a bunch of bitter stuff; I want you to learn a little bit from me and my journey from time to time.

I recently had to accept the fact that he has moved on and he didn’t move on to me. I will tell you that revelation of this hit me like a ton of brinks; in my face (literally). When you have been everything to someone for someone for so long, the pain is there. You have done so much and tried to prove yourself worthy of them, but lost your self-worth at the same time. It is time….Time to let go of that fool ass stuff and move on. I know you are probably saying this is so much easier said than done. Want to know how I know, I said it myself. I questioned why was this happening, how did happen, and more. But my accepting it is what made me move on. Here are a few steps to take on the journey

1. Acceptance, you have to accept that this was not the plan for your life and this person is not the end all be all to it. With that acceptance, wean yourself off of that individual. If you are friends with each other on Facebook get rid of them. Now I know some of my readers are petty and will let that ass stay there and watch them work. But if you can’t stand the site of them, that ish will eat from the inside out and you will not be able to live your life. Sometimes letting it just is all that you need.

2. No you can’t be friends, well just not in this moment. Don’t be so quick to say let’s stay friends. You are going to have to dig into a deep place and pull up some grown shit after the mess they put you through. Give your heart some time to mend because it will again torture your soul to see them move on so quickly.

3. Don’t do this alone; gather your friends in them remind you about the good in you. Don’t sit home and get drunk alone. Go out and have those drinks with your friends. I am sure you have probably said “when will I laugh again” You will laugh with your friends. They will take the pain away. To be honest, this may even make you fight the urge to send one of those drunken text messages to your ex. If you feel the need to cry; DO IT! Cry it is ok, cry with your friends. Tell them how messed on the inside you are right now and they will pull your awesomeness out.

4. Find something else you can enjoy. For myself I found that I get the best ideas and have a sense of freedom when I am in the park with my headphones on and walking. (That is how you all got this blog today). Throw yourself into a hobby. If there was something that you loved doing before this fuck ass relationship, get back to it.

5. Don’t close off your heart. Don’t become bitter and close of your heart to the world. You are still a good person and you are worthy enough to be loved by the right person. I do want you to get over it and not make another person pay for the mistake of your ex. Do take it slow and don’t rush it. Let it happen organically.

These were just a few steps to follow. I just want to get back to happy. I want the same happy for you. Someone somewhere needed this. Always remember someone is always on the same journey as you, but they just maybe at a different part.

Smooches my loves….

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sex with the ex

 

 

Sex with the EX: Yay or Nay

 

 

I know you are probably wondering how this topic came about. This one is not from my mind but a situation I recently discussed with my male best friend. Yes, believe it one of my best friends is a straight male, whom I have never had sex with. My male best friend sometime has moments where his better judgment doesn’t kick in until after the fact.

He was dating this chick for about six months or so, it could have been longer. Heck to me it felt like forever because all I would ever hear were complaints. “She wants to do this… I don’t feel like it… She is too damn bossy… She won’t tell me what she does for a living…etc.” So you see where I could think he was not happy in the relationship. After some questioning about this so called relationship I found out they are not even having sex. She keeps telling him I want to wait to have sex again when I marry you. (Insert puzzled face). Marrying her? What?  So ultimately they break-up. I haven’t seen my best bud happier until that day when the break up happened. (Sept or so)

Fast forward to two weeks ago, oh yes this where it gets real good. He says “I am never having sex with an ex again because they are crazy.” I am looking at him like which one, because the last ex you had was old girl and prior to that it had been about six years since that one. Well it was that last loon; oh yes the one who is too bossy. She showed up to his house unannounced. (Pause) I find that unacceptable on any level, call first… (Unpause) He lets her come on in and they are sitting and watching the game. His team wins the game. Now he is getting ready to head out to hang with his friends. Well she had other plans. She decides that she wants to jump his bones… But wait this is the same woman who said “I want to wait to have sex with you when I am married to you”. I know you are thinking the same thing I am, what the heck?  I couldn’t help but laugh at the fact that he was stupid for that moment.

Now don’t get me wrong every situation is not like this one. In this situation I would not have had sex with that ex. There was just so much wrong with that whole situation. I couldn’t even say that we would still be friends. I am for dog on sure wouldn’t have allowed them to show up at my house unannounced. I would have turned off everything and waiting for them to leave. I will say I am guilty of having sex with my ex from time to time. We still had a chemistry so why not, especially with the both of us being single.  He and I were still friends, our break up wasn’t so bad, and it had always a good experience.

***Best Bud I love you***

 

ask emiaj3

Dear Emiaj,

 

Hello how are you doing today? I hope this email reaches you in great spirits. I need some advice on how to handle a situation. Lately I have been sleeping with a close friend of mine. When I say close we have been close for some years now, but just recently started having sex with one another.  I have noticed lately that they are starting to have more feelings than before. I am not sure how to approach this situation, because I want it to stay the way it is. Can you please help me?

 

More than Just Friends

 

 

Dear More than Just Friend,

 

I suggest that you talk to your friend. I am sure there are more feelings there. People try hard to have sex without heart strings being attached, but find it is impossible unless it is a one night stand. I know you want things to stay the same, but the day you started having sex with your friend the game changed.  I feel like you are scared of what the outcome could be. Be realistic with yourself. What about this person make me call them friend? Are they there whenever you need them even without the sex? Have they ever done anything to make you think they wouldn’t be a good mate in the long run?  If you answered yes to question one, and no to question two, then what are you afraid of? Are you afraid of really falling for this person? Love and relationships are things that are very beautiful if you find the right person to share it with.  So talk to your friend, I am sure they are waiting for you to acknowledge what they are feeling right now.

 

 

Emiaj

AskEmiaj@gmail.com

friendsWhen entering into new relationships everyone seems to be engulfed with the newness of the relationship. With that they forget about the friendships that other relationships they have built. When I say relationships I am speaking of friendships. Those people who were there when you were single self. People fail to realize that they still need to nurture the past relationship while also nurturing the new one.  This is when you have to figure out a balance that will leave everyone happy.

Naturally you make adjustments to how do you things. You don’t call them as much and vice versa. You may not even see them as much. It is just natural to gravitate towards that relationship. Your friends have an understanding but when they call and need you please do not ignore the call or even worse forget to call them back. Some people don’t even realize that they alienate their friends like this.

One of my girlfriends and I actually try to meet at least once a month for dinner and drinks. With this meeting we are able to be away from anyone else and catch up. She is the one in the relationship while I am her single friend. This actually works for us. Also, you plan can a friend-cation, this is when you all get out of town and have some much needed friend time.

**Don’t forget about your single friends*** lol