Single and Ready to Mingle:  That One friend…

 

 

Happy Saturday my Single-lites! I hope that you are having a wonderful Saturday afternoon, and it is just as beautiful as you are.  This week’s blog comes from my people watching issues and conversations.  Sit back and think about it. We all have that one friend that always wants us to stay forever single. No matter how you try to date or try to find that one for you, there is always that one friend. We all have one.

 

Dear Friend,

If you want me to stay forever single like you, I am sorry to bust your bubble I am dateable person. One day I am going to find my forever and I am going to go from just one to two.

Sincerely,

Friend and dating

 

Why is this? Why can’t someone just be genuinely happy? They are genuinely happy alone because they have found their happiness with in. But the moment someone else sees how happy he or she is with themselves you have a problem. I understand you are so use to you and your friend being single and you all doing the single ish that single people do. You know your friend well enough to know; to know the desire off their heart.  Maybe you feel like the friendship will change. Of course it will change. Relationships have to be nurtured and cared for just like your friendship, but you can still have your friendship.    Don’t try to weigh them down with negative thoughts and energy. You attract what you put out… (note to friend). That will push your friend away.

I simply ask you friend, that you support your friend. If they are over the hill happy about someone, then you be just as happy as them.  Be a better friend. The wonderful flip side of this is that you have that friend who knows what your struggle has been.  The one that has been there and recognized that you deserve to be happy in that situation. Keep that friend closer.

 

Please know that I am the friend happy for you and encourage you to get out and date.

 

Happy Dating…

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I often sit and wonder why do I become uninterested in someone so quickly. Here is what I came up with.

I have figured out why I lose interest in people. They tend to show they are only kiddie pool deep. I maybe pretty but I am not brainless. I enjoy conversations about any and everything. I am not limited to clothes, shoes and gossip. I always find it funny when a man tries to get to know me they think I don’t know anything. Then the look at my sex appeal and think that I want is my amply round ass to be rubbed on. No it takes more than good looks and money to make my kitty want to whisper to you. I simply need more, and more is too much for most men to give.

 

I currently find myself interested in someone. He has.managed to peek my interest in such a way that no one has done in years. I for once want to see how this plays out.

#staytuned

 

*Happy Dating*

Single and Ready to Mingle: Traditional Dating

 

Is there such thing a traditional dating? What exactly is traditional dating? I ask these questions as I try to jump back into this whole dating world. The way I met someone may not be the same way you met someone. Is there a wrong and right way of meeting someone? I have some many questions.

As I ponder my own questions, I believe when we think about traditional dating we may be looking at it from a stand point of how previous generations may have dated. They felt that men should always court a woman. Men made women aware that they wanted to date them, by asking them out on a date.  Now I will not say that is dead but women have managed to start asking men out on dates and making the first move.  I for one can say I have never approached a man.  (There is a blog about that too) Maybe that is where my traditional stops, because once I have met a man and we start this whole dating thing. I will ask him if he wants to go to a movie or something and it would be on me. Also men seemed to make their intentions known. You would know if he was into you or not. Asking you out on a date shows genuine interest.   I don’t think chivalry is dead, I think there are still some gentlemen in the world, who walk women to their door, open doors for them.

I will say that times have changed and some of the roles have reversed. Yes more women take on the role of the man. This is only because men maybe okay with it. It is also maybe based upon who you may be  attracted to. I personally am attracted to the Alpha male. They have that certain effect on me. Men who take control of the situation and not looking for me to always fix it give me entire life. The strong type that knows how put hit foot down in the right way. (excuse that thought)

It really shouldn’t matter how you met someone to determine if it is a traditional dating situation. These days you can meet people just about anywhere and have a connection like no other. Who is anyone to say what is wrong and what is right.

What are you thoughts about traditional dating? I would love to hear your thoughts.

 

E. Ahdai

*Happy Dating*

Single and Ready to Mingle:

Slow down…

 

 

I have always been so amazed at how quick people move from relationship to relationship. Why wouldn’t you give yourself sometime to get over whatever caused you to be out of the relationship? Go and find your pieces that you lost. Slow it down and take your time.

 

These are merely my thoughts and opinions, so please don’t be offended by anything that I say. This is just me people watching and penning my thoughts for you all. I seriously feel like these people have had these other men and women stashed somewhere. They were looking for an out and got it so they moved on. How do you breakup on Monday and have a new boo by Friday. That just doesn’t make sense to my life.  I am absolutely baffled and confused all at the same time. “Lucy you have some explaining to do”.  Maybe they were told the best way to get over the last is to get under the next.

Per Ron Bethea one of my Facebook friends, he says “How do you know that they need healing? Maybe leaving the old partner made them better…”  Maybe, maybe that person does make them better, but how would they know if that person wasn’t stuck in their pocket somehow…

Maybe  Ron has a point; how do we know a person is healed. Well time will only tell this. If one starts going through the same thing maybe they didn’t give it time. If they are treating the next like crap, maybe they didn’t heal.  Only time will tell, but I still say slow your roll and heal.

 

 

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Single and Ready to Mingle:

 

Lesson Learned: What my past relationship taught me…

 

 

In life lessons come is so many shapes and forms. It is our job to learn from every experience that we have.  Sometimes the relationships teach us what we want and what don’t want. When you think about this question where does it put you? What did your last relationship teach you?

My last relationship taught me so much. I will not go into every single lesson but I will tell you about the ones that I have grown from it.  My last relationship taught me that I do not have to just settle for anyone or anything. You do not have to put up with anyone’s mess.  I felt like I was never happy, even if I was doing am I could to keep him happy,  I wasn’t happy at all.  In that I sacrificed my happiness; just to say I am in this relationship. Single and lonely could be worse.  Boy was I wrong, I finally realized I couldn’t do it anymore. So I left. I took me, myself and I and left.  After I fought with myself to figure how to get back to my happy, single didn’t seem so bad.

My last relationship also taught me that, if a person is acting a certain way, they are really showing you the real them. PAY ATTENTION!  If he/she cares they will show you they care. If they don’t then they will also show you.  Take everything at face value. You can’t think that “Oh he does love me” but when you are sick as a dog you are going through that shit alone.  You have to ask yourself does this person even care about my well-being.  This lesson didn’t come until someone else showed that they cared more than the other.  It was crazy when it hit me. I wasn’t even trying to compare the two but you could see it clear as day.

The last thing my last relationship taught me was you can’t fix a bitter person. They have to want to fix themselves and let you in. you can’t break down a wall that doesn’t want to come down. You can’t make someone love you and see your greatness. Take your happiness and leave because they will suck the life out of you.

 

I posed this question to my followers on my IG and my Facebook page; here are some of their comments

 

Jerri: my last relationship taught me not to be selfish…under any circumstance…

Katie:  It taught me not to be so dumb/naive when it comes to your situation. If you find yourself constantly making excuses for your significant other’s behavior… You really need to re-evaluate. I also learned being loved requires so much more than just saying it. Shoot, being married, requires a lot of work BUT it can ONLY work if BOTH parties are in it whole heartedly and committed to each other enough to want things to work out.

Neal:  Last relationship taught me to not take everything at face value. Even after you give someone an opportunity to (word for word) “come clean” and start over with “a clean slate” if they lied to you for years, they could put more lies on the “clean slate”.

 

Love remember I am always on this journey with you and I understand

 

Happy Dating…

 

Follow me on IG @emiajahdai

Single and Ready to Mingle

When it is over….

As I sit down to pen this blog, I have the sounds of Keyshia Cole’s “I Just want it” comes through my headphones. What happens when it is officially over and you are forced to move on? How do you get over it? This question is fully loaded and can lead you down so many lanes. I promise not to fill this with a bunch of bitter stuff; I want you to learn a little bit from me and my journey from time to time.

I recently had to accept the fact that he has moved on and he didn’t move on to me. I will tell you that revelation of this hit me like a ton of brinks; in my face (literally). When you have been everything to someone for someone for so long, the pain is there. You have done so much and tried to prove yourself worthy of them, but lost your self-worth at the same time. It is time….Time to let go of that fool ass stuff and move on. I know you are probably saying this is so much easier said than done. Want to know how I know, I said it myself. I questioned why was this happening, how did happen, and more. But my accepting it is what made me move on. Here are a few steps to take on the journey

1. Acceptance, you have to accept that this was not the plan for your life and this person is not the end all be all to it. With that acceptance, wean yourself off of that individual. If you are friends with each other on Facebook get rid of them. Now I know some of my readers are petty and will let that ass stay there and watch them work. But if you can’t stand the site of them, that ish will eat from the inside out and you will not be able to live your life. Sometimes letting it just is all that you need.

2. No you can’t be friends, well just not in this moment. Don’t be so quick to say let’s stay friends. You are going to have to dig into a deep place and pull up some grown shit after the mess they put you through. Give your heart some time to mend because it will again torture your soul to see them move on so quickly.

3. Don’t do this alone; gather your friends in them remind you about the good in you. Don’t sit home and get drunk alone. Go out and have those drinks with your friends. I am sure you have probably said “when will I laugh again” You will laugh with your friends. They will take the pain away. To be honest, this may even make you fight the urge to send one of those drunken text messages to your ex. If you feel the need to cry; DO IT! Cry it is ok, cry with your friends. Tell them how messed on the inside you are right now and they will pull your awesomeness out.

4. Find something else you can enjoy. For myself I found that I get the best ideas and have a sense of freedom when I am in the park with my headphones on and walking. (That is how you all got this blog today). Throw yourself into a hobby. If there was something that you loved doing before this fuck ass relationship, get back to it.

5. Don’t close off your heart. Don’t become bitter and close of your heart to the world. You are still a good person and you are worthy enough to be loved by the right person. I do want you to get over it and not make another person pay for the mistake of your ex. Do take it slow and don’t rush it. Let it happen organically.

These were just a few steps to follow. I just want to get back to happy. I want the same happy for you. Someone somewhere needed this. Always remember someone is always on the same journey as you, but they just maybe at a different part.

Smooches my loves….

n-BOOTY-CALL-large570Single and Ready to Mingle: Booty Call to Boo

Hey my Single Loves!!!! How are you doing? I hope that you all had a great weekend. I had a busy weekend but hey that is the life of me; busy, busy, busy. I know eactly why now I can’t date the right way. I am too damn busy. I have a kid to care for; who is a social butterfly and has to be at every single event that she is invited to. I work a full time job and have been working overtime for the last month. On top of that I have like four projects that I am currently over outside of my job. Imagine what my life is like. I do have some work and life balance. One is taking a position with my company to work from home. Yes I work from home, so now I am here all day but the thing is this, no one else can be here while I am working so that sucks. I am glued to this spot for 8-10 hours a day. (My butt hurts). I am such the social person that the silence is crazy for me. I am use to people calling my name all the time and asking me questions. I guess that is what 14 years with the company will do to you. This is not what this blog is about.. HAHAHAHA

I took myself to see “About Last Night” yes I stole some “me time” in the middle of a busy weekend. It was about 10:00pm and I was the only person in the theater. Dating me, myself and I is something that my busy life has brought me to. I am good company to myself (LOL). This date movie was hilarious but I am sure some people saw themselves throughout the whole movie. Yes you and you saw yourself. I say that because how many onetime sex sessions were really supposed to be just that and they turned into dating, then to long term relationships. I can even admit that I have done this myself. (Raises had and looks around) That leads to the question can a “booty call” become your mate. Here is what my Facebook friends had to say.

Red Man: I wouldn’t trust it. Too many have tried and failed miserably.

Renata Pennix: Yep. .it turned out to be a 9 year relationship..learned a lot from it

Wax Lauren: It shouldn’t, but some I believe start that way. Desperate people look for love wherever they can find it.

Renata Pennix : I wouldn’t necessarily say desperate.. ppl change a booty call to a boo thang bc one party or both becomes comfortable and then the emotional part start and someone wants to be claimed bc at this time instead of spending the “booty” hours together u guys are spending “time” together which changes everything..in order for it to go that far someone let it…if ur not feeling the “booty” as “boo” u need to stop all sexual encounters bc it will get ugly

Wax Lauren: as I was hitting the send button..your exact comment popped in my brain. You are exactly correct.

Here is my answer; yes I think it is very possible and Renata made some good points. Once you start spending time outside of that bedroom it can take a turn. You then get to know the real person, not just the sexual person. You start having real conversations about life. Hey it sounds like I have been there. (and have) It wasn’t a bad relationship and we are even better friends now. The sex has stopped but we are still friends. The big picture is this. It is what you make it. Feels do sometimes get involved and what will you do when that happens.

Happy Dating

XOXOXOXo

E. Ahdai